The Many Misadventures of Wufei
by Bishonen Chaser
Summary: Bad/wierd things happen and Wufei gets hurt! (wufei bashing! ^_~ yeah!) Non-Yaoi
1. Default Chapter

Bug Trampoline

Don't own it!

The Many Misadventures of Wufei: 

Big Trampoline

"Ta-da!" Quatre said as he pointed at the thing in his back yard. "Dude!" Duo said. "You know I always wanted one of these." Trowa said. "What is it?" Wufei asked. "A big trampoline!" Heero said as he walked over to it. "Come on! Lets jump!" Quatre said. "Whoo-hoo!" Duo said as he ran and tried to jump onto the trampoline but missed and landed underneath the trampoline. Heero was already on and he was jumping right over Duo and squishing him. "Ow!"-Jump-"Ow!"-jump-"Ow!"-Jump-"All right that's it!" Duo said as he jumped onto the trampoline and went after Heero. Heero, however, moved out of the way and Duo went right off the other side. Quatre and Trowa had also joined Heero and Wufei still had not gotten on. "Hey Wu-butt!" Duo said as he walked over to Wufei. "Why aren't _you_ jumping?" Duo asked. "Jumping is for weaklings!" Wufei said but then decided to add something. "Like yourself." He said. "Oh really?" Duo said. "Well not anymore." Duo then picked up Wufei and threw him on the trampoline. Wufei stood up and brushed himself off. "That was injustice." Wufei said, as he stood stock-still. "Aren't you going to come and get me?" Duo asked from the ground. "Maybe…later." He said. Duo smiled. "You can't get down, can you?" Duo asked. "Well I could…if I wanted too." Wufei said. "Why don't you want to?" Duo teased. "Because…I don't have to answer you baka!" Wufei stuck his nose in the air. "You can't get down! Admit it!" Duo said. "Wufei just turned around and tried to ignore Duo. Duo then got on the trampoline and started to jump around Wufei singing, "Wu-butt can't come and get me! Wu-butt can't come and get me!" meanwhile Trowa had found that it was very easy to practice his flips with the aid of a trampoline. Trowa would jump and do a flip. He would then jump higher and do a double flip. Each time he jumped he got higher and did more tricks and finally one time he didn't come down. "Hey where's Trowa?" Quatre asked. "Help me!" Trowa said from above. The pilots looked up and there was Trowa stuck in a tree. Duo laughed and Heero raised an eyebrow. "Well I would go get the maganacs but I really want to jump so-o-o…can you just wait till I'm done? Thanks!" Quatre said not giving Trowa any time to answer. Trowa continued to scream but the boys ignored him. "Look at this!" Heero said jumping up and then landing on his butt. His spandex was so bouncy that he started to look like Trowa when he did tricks in the air. Wufei still had not moved an inch and Duo had stopped pestering him. "Weak bakas!" Wufei said to himself. Just then Heero yelled something. "Heads up!" he said. Just as everyone, except Duo, had cleared the trampoline Heero came crashing down with Trowa not far behind. "Ow!!!" Duo said from under Heero and Trowa. Just then the maganacs came out and asked if they could jump for a minute, "sure!" Quatre said. All the maganacs, yes all 40 of them, then got on the trampoline and the middle sank to the ground. The maganacs looked around in confusion. "Ummm! Maybe we should get off." One said. "I think that that would be a good idea." Another volunteered. The maganacs then got off and the boys went back to jumping.

Later, everyone except Heero who had wondered off somewhere was still jumping and Wufei was still in the same spot trying to look normal. "You know?" Duo said jumping. "I want some pants like Heero's. Because if I had pants like Heero's then I could do the whole butt thing." Duo wondered out loud. "Because when I try to do the butt thing without the spandex I can't go very high." "I don't see why not?" Wufei said from his designated spot. "You butt looks big and squishy enough!" "All right that's it!" Duo said jumping toward Wufei. "I will not take anymore rude comments from you." Duo said. Just as he got within landing distance of Wufei the boys hear a loud sound behind them. They turned to find Wing ZERO standing in Quatre's backyard. "ZERO wants to jump too." Heero said over the intercom system. Everyone sweat-dropped. Wing then lifted its foot over the trampoline and all of the pilots, except Wufei because he couldn't move, scattered. They all heard a sickening crunch as Wing put its foot on the trampoline. Wing lifted its foot and the trampoline and Wufei lay flat on the ground. "My…my…my trampoline?" Quatre said. "Sorry!" Heero said as he turned Wing around. "Cool!" Duo said as he walked over to find Wufei still alive, in critical condition, but alive. "Hey were are you going?" Trowa asked Heero. "To try and kill Relena again. I haven't tried in a week, she must feel bad." Heero said. Trowa nodded. "I know what I'll do!" Quatre said. "I'll go get the maganacs. They can fix anything." "Really?" Duo said. Quatre nodded. "And then we can all jump again!" he said as he turned toward the house. Everyone sweat-dropped and followed Quatre to try and convince him that maybe he should just get roller blades instead while Wufei was left all alone with no one to help him.

Tell me what you think. Christian.M.Hall@Worldnet.att.net


	2. part 2

The Many Misadventures of Wufei:

The Many Misadventures of Wufei:

Roller Blades

Duo put the finishing touches on his little flower that he had drawn on Wufei's body cast. "Beautiful if I do say so my self." Duo said looking at his artwork. He had written "I Love Women." And "What is Justice?" along with "Integrity Sucks!" all over Wufei's body cast. There were also little hearts and flowers around the words. Since Wufei's jaw was broken he couldn't do one thing to protest and stand up for his integrity. Wufei had gotten like this form being squished by Wing ZERO while on a trampoline. (Weird story! Don't ask!) He now had to submit to being pushed around in a wheel chair. Trowa leaned over and pointed to a spot on Wufei's cast. "You misspelled Gundam Duo." He said as he pointed to where Duo had written, "Duo is the best Gumdan Pilot in the World!" "Woops! Oh well I guess I'm a good Gumdan pilot too. Whatever that is." "Hey guys look what I asked the maganacs to pick up when they went out." Quatre said as he walked into the room. He was holding a pair of roller blades and pointing out the door. Heero looked out the door to find all the maganacs in skates with 4 extra pair on the ground. "I got some for you guys too!" Quatre as he started to put his own on. "You can't do flips with those!" Trowa said. "You're not supposed to." Heero said as he started to tie his up. "At least I don't think so." He added. Trowa and Duo picked up the other pairs and put them on. Duo then picked up Wufei's pair and put them on Wufei. Wufei started to groan and try to move as Duo came closer. "Duo I don't think Wufei wants to skate." Quatre said looking a little worried. "Of course he does." Duo said looking at Quatre. "Dontcha Buddy?" Duo looked at Wufei again. Wufei vigorously shook his head as much as he could. "Oh don't listen to him! He can't even talk." Duo said. "I know what's best for him." Duo said confidently.

The boy went outside and Duo found a big hill not to far away from Quatre's house. "Hey guys come over here!" Duo yelled. The boys, and the maganacs, walked over. "This would be a fun place to go down." Duo said. Heero nodded and headed down. "I don't know?" Quatre said uneasily. "We'll go down!" the maganacs said in unison. "Wufei wants to go down. Dontcha Wu-fee?" Duo informed the rest of the group. Wufei tried to make noise but Duo had already brought him to the edge of the hill. Duo then gave him a little push and Wufei went sailing, body cast and all. Since Wufei couldn't move he couldn't stop either so when he reached the bottom he ran into a telephone pole. "I wonder if he's okay?" Duo asked. "He'll be fine Heero said from behind them. The boys turned around to find Heero in Wing Zero. "ZERO was feeling left out." Heero said as the boys and maganacs sweat-dropped. Heero then pushed some buttons and ZERO sprouted skates. The skates were propelled with thrusters and Heero turned them on and went flying down the hill even faster than Wufei. Unfortunately Heero couldn't stop either and he ran Wufei over burning him with the thrusters. "SOOOOOORRRRRRYYY!" Heero said as he flew off. "Cool!" Duo said as he skated down the hill to find Wufei still alive, in critical condition, but alive. And Wufei was left there again with no one to help him!


	3. part 3

The Many Misadventures of Wufei:

The Many Misadventures of Wufei:

Fun With Swords: Wufei's Revenge (or so he thought)

Wufei had now healed completely from his many mishaps and was devising a plan to get his so called "friends" back. "I know I'll take them to one of my sword classes and beat them up good." Wufei thought. "Justice shall be served." Wufei then went out into the living room and presented his idea to the other pilots. "I don't know?" Quatre said. "It sounds scary." "Of course it's going to be scary." Duo said. "Wufei's going to be there. That's enough to make anyone scared." "I'll ignore that comment, baka…if you came to the class." Wufei said. "Fine I'll come to your stupid class and show you all what a good swordsman I am." Duo said walking out the door. "Now this I have to see." Trowa said following Duo. "Are you going to go Heero?" Quatre asked. Heero nodded and walked out the door. "Well I guess if everyone else is going then I'll go too." Quatre said following Wufei out the door.

"Wufei do you take you class at a senior citizens club?" Duo asked when he noticed that all the people in the building were old. "Does it matter?" Wufei asked Duo nodded and stared to laugh. "That's what I thought." Wufei said. "Now take a right and go into that door." He said pointing down a hall. "Onna lover." Duo said under his breath before he disappeared. 

Wufei returned a minute later with 4 large knifes identical to the one he always carried on him. Duo picked up a knife. "Cool! I always wanted one of these." Duo said tuning it over in his hand. Trowa picked one up and studied it. "Not what I'm used to but it'll have to do." He said. "I don't like these knives." Quatre said. "They're weird." Heero looked at the knives on the floor and then he reached into his spandex shorts and pulled out a fencing foil. "This should work much better." He said studying the foil. "Hey can you do that for me?" Quatre asked. "You want a fencing foil?" Heero asked. "No I want some like Sandrock." Quatre said. Heero nodded and pulled out a pair of curved knives that looked like mini versions of Sandrock's knives. "You can't do that!" Wufei said. "That's injustice." He said. "Oh get over it ponytail-boy." Duo said swinging his knife around. "Look who's talking braid-boy." Wufei argued. "Guys, guys you're acting like children." Quatre said. "STAY OUT OF IT BLONDIE!!!" Duo and Wufei yelled at the same time. Quatre tried to hold back the tears but it didn't work so he sat in a corner and cried. Heero studied his foil as Duo and Wufei started to sword fight. "This isn't what I need." Heero thought. Excusing him self without anyone noticing Heero left the room. "You will die." Wufei yelled. "I am death! You can't kill me." Duo yelled back. "Watch me." Wufei said lunging at Duo. Trowa pulled up a chair and sat down with some popcorn to watch. (Wonder where he got that that?) Suddenly there was a loud explosion and a hole appeared in the ceiling. Wing Zero could be seen from the hole holding its beam saber. Wufei's eyes got really big. "No not again!" He yelled. "Wing Zero wants to fight." Heero said. Just then the beam saber went dull and Wufei sighed in relief but he sighed too soon. In trying to fix the saber Heero accidentally dropped it and guess who it landed on. "Cool!" Duo said as he walked over to find half of Wufei sticking out from underneath the handle of the saber. He was alive, with a broken leg and possibly in critical condition, but alive. And again he was left with no one to help him.


	4. part 4

The Many Misadventures of Wufei:

The Many Misadventures of Wufei:

Wing ZERO: Wufei's 2nd attempt at revenge

Wufei hobbled on his crunches into the mobile suit hanger and made his way to Wing ZERO. "It's Wing ZERO that has been doing this to me, with the help of Heero of course, so I have devised a plan execute justice." Wufei said confidently to himself. When he reached ZERO he looked around to see if anyone was around and then he dropped his crunches and started to climb up. Half way up he stopped because his foot was hurting him. It was only a sprain, not as bad as everyone had thought when ZERO dropped its beam saber on top of Wufei. "You're weak!" Wufei said in disgust. "You must be stronger." He said pulling himself into the cockpit. Wufei sighed relief when he sat down in the cockpit. "Okay what now?" Wufei said looking at the controls. "Their not that much different from Nataku, I can pull this off." He said placing his hands on the keyboard. "Lets see. I could disconnect the thrusters." Wufei said as he punched a few keys on the keyboard. "Oh look. I can change the way the controls are set up." Wufei said switching the beam cannon button with the beam saber and made the right joystick control the left part of the Gundam and vise versa. He then made the transformation button that let ZERO change into Neo-Bird mode the self-destruct button. "This is so much fun." Wufei said as he climbed down. As Wufei was walking away from the Gundam he heard a sound from behind him. Something like bending mettle. "Wufei turned around to find ZERO tipping over in, guess what direction? That's right, on top of Wufei. Wufei couldn't move fast enough so Wing fell right on him. Hearing a noise Heero ran into the room with his gun and the other pilots followed him. "Cool!" Duo said as walked over to find Wufei pined under the Gundam. He was alive, with a couple broken bones and probably not in critical condition (but you never know), but alive. And once more he was left with no one to help him.


	5. part 5

The Many Miss Adventures of Wufei:

The Many Misadventures of Wufei:

Hang Gilding

"I know what we can do." Duo said standing up from the couch that he shared with Quatre and Wufei. "We can go hang gliding to celebrate Wufei getting better." Duo looked at the rest of the group waiting for their approval. "No I am not leaving this house any more." Wufei said from the corner. "Every time I leave something bad happens. So I'm not going anywhere." He said defiantly. "Oh come on." Duo said pulling at Wufei's sleeve. "Just this once." Duo pleaded. "No." Wufei replied. "I want to go hang gliding." Trowa said. "Great then you can go with me and just me and you will celebrate Wufei getting better." Duo said smiling at Trowa. "I guess I could go?" Quatre added a little uncertain. "Great the more the merrier!" Duo said. "What about you Heero?" Duo asked the boy with the magic spandex shorts. "No I have work to do. I might meet you later" Heero said leaving the room. "Fine. I guess it's just me and you guys." Duo said looking at Quatre and Trowa. "Well you can't leave me here with Heero!" Wufei said. "Why not?" Duo asked. "Because it's always been Heero and Wing ZERO that hurt me and I will not stay anywhere near them." Wufei said. "So you are coming?" Duo asked a little confused. "Yes now hurry up and get me out of here." Wufei said impatient to leave. Duo shrugged and walked out the door.

Wufei gulped trying not to look at the ground far below him. "If you drop then you will die." Wufei thought. "Of course you thought that when Wing ZERO stepped on you but… no mustn't think bad thoughts." Wufei said trying to be strong. Wufei looked at Trowa who was flying in front of him. He was all over the sky doing flips and turns. Wufei felt sick just looking at him. Quatre had gotten up on the cliff and decided to wait for them on the ground. Duo looked like he knew what he was doing but Wufei couldn't be sure. Just then the boys notice an object flying toward them. "That's looks like Wing ZERO?" Wufei thought. "Oh no! It is ZERO!" Wufei waited for the bad things that he knew would happen to happen. He was right when ZERO flew right by Wufei's hang glider and knocked it off course. Wufei then plummeted to the ground and hit a grove of trees.

"I can't figure out how to get him down?" Duo explained an hour later on the ground to Heero who had just landed with ZERO. "We need a trampoline so that you can do your butt thing." Duo said. Heero nodded and pulled a trampoline (a mini one) out of his shorts. He then started jumping on his butt higher and higher until he could reach Wufei. A few minutes later Heero and Wufei came crashing down and they both missed the small trampoline by about a foot. And guess who landed on whom. That's right Heero stood up and dusted himself off while Duo walked over to Wufei. "Cool!" He said as he found Wufei alive, with an imprint of Heero's butt on his head, but alive. (He may also have been in critical condition but there was no way to check his pupils so we're not sure) and again Wufei was left on the ground with no one to help him. (That's only because Quatre and Duo bombarded Heero with questions about how he could fit a trampoline in his shorts and Trowa was still in the air.)


	6. part 6

The Many Misadventures of Wufei:

The Many Misadventures of Wufei:

Skiing 

"Look! It snowed." Duo said looking out the window one morning. "Snow is for weaklings." Wufei said sitting down on the couch. "Wow it's so beautiful!" Quatre said looking out the window with Duo. "Yea and I could make some killer snowballs." Duo said contemplating a plan to get Wufei outside so he could barrage him with snowballs. "Lets go play in it." Quatre said walking over to the closet to get his coat. "Yes lets go." Duo said running out the door in his boxers and a T-shirt. 

When the boys, except Heero and Wufei, had made it outside Duo was standing knee deep in snow and shivering like crazy. "Duo maybe you should go put some real clothes on?" Quatre said. "Nnn-ooo I-ii-iii'-ll-ll b-e-ee ju-uus-st f-fii-nn-ne." Duo said smiling. Or at least he was trying to smile. His lips were blue and almost frozen but at least he was smiling. "Hey why don't we go skiing?" Trowa said. "Well I guess we could go." Quatre said. "B-b-but w-w-what ab-b-bout-t-t m-m-my-y snow b-bal-l-ls?" Duo asked. "You can do that later." Quatre said. "we want to go skiing."

Wufei pushed off the hill and wondered why he had let the boys talk him into this. Heero had stayed home and Wufei knew that he would decide to show up at just the right time to do something to him with Wing ZERO. "I should have stayed at home and locked myself in my room" Wufei thought swaying. "Whoo-hoo!!!" Duo yelled as he swooshed by. Suddenly he tripped and went rolling down the mountain until he stopped himself. Duo stood up and brushed off his clothes, yes he finally got some clothes on. He had a beard of snow and threw a snowball Wufei as he skied past. Wufei dodged only run into Quatre knocking them both down. "Oh Wufei I'm so sorry." Quatre said helping Wufei up. "Would you stop saying that!" Wufei said. "What?" Quatre said. "Saying I'm sorry when it's not your fault." Wufei said dusting himself off. "Oh I'm sorry." Quatre said. "There you go again." Wufei said. "I'm sorry…" Quatre said. "whoops I'm sorry I said…I mean…well." "Just shut up." Wufei said. "Okay, I'm sorry." Quatre said. "Just forget it." Wufei said getting ready to push off again. But suddenly behind him Wufei hears Heero's voice over the intercom system of ZERO. "ZERO is here to ski." Heero said. Wufei sweat-dropped and Quatre had no idea what was behind then so he just brushed himself off. Suddenly ZERO slipped and started rolling and it was picking up a lot of snow. Wufei and Quatre were picked up with Wing ZERO and they all went down the hill in a big snowball. Duo skied down the hill and over to Wufei and Quatre. "Cool!" he said when he found Quatre just fine and Wufei alive, possibly in critical condition, but alive. And again, because every one went to see how Quatre was, Wufei was left all alone with no one to help him. 


	7. part 7

The Many Misadventures of Wufei:

The Many Misadventures of Wufei:

Surfing

"Look what I bought!" Quatre said pointing to the top of his car. "Surf boards!" He said once everyone had made it outside. "Why?" Wufei asked a little scared to be out of his room since Heero was nowhere to be found. He kept looking around for Wing ZERO to show up and try to kill him again. "I just thought that we could use a little trip to the beach." Quatre said. "Sounds great." Duo said. "Lets go!" "We can't all fit in the car though." Trowa pointed out. "Lets take our Gundams then!" Quatre suggested. "Great idea." Duo said.

The boys landed their Gundams on the beach and jumped out. Duo pulled off his shirt as quickly as he could and ran into the water. "Water's great guys!" Duo yelled from the ocean. Trowa walked over to the edge of the water and stuck his feet in. Finding it pleasant he walked in up to his waist. Duo then started splashing him so he got out. Quatre was busy putting on suntan lotion and Wufei was complaining about the smell of the water. "I'm telling you it smells like broccoli!" Wufei said. "I didn't know broccoli smelled?" Duo said as he tried to get all the sand that was sticking to his wet body off. By now Quatre had started building a sand castle and Duo sat down to help him. About half and hour later they were done and they had built two miniature replicas of Sandrock and Deathsythe. "Nice!" Trowa said getting drink out of the cooler. Just then Wing ZERO come out of nowhere and lands right on the little Gundams. Thankfully Wufei was not in the way when ZERO landed. Heero jumped out and took a drink out of the cooler and pretended like nothing had happened. Sighing in relief Wufei asked, "So who wants to go surfing?" "You mean surfing isn't weak?" Duo asked in astonishment. "No on the contrary. Surfing brings on a higher sense of integrity." Wufei said picking a board that had the word "Justice" on it. "Duo picked a black board and Trowa picked a green one with yellow stars on it. Quatre's board was all pink and had little rabbits and crescent moons all over it. Duo was sure that if he turned the board over it would have a picture of Sailor Moon on it. "Better leave that one alone!" Duo said as he waded out into the water. Heero decided not to surf and instead used binoculars to see if Relena was following him.

To every ones surprise Wufei was a pretty good surfer and Duo couldn't stay up long enough to go anywhere. Trowa was okay and Quatre didn't have too much trouble except when Duo tripped him. All of a sudden there are some large waves picking up and Wufei hears over Wing ZERO's intercom system. "ZERO wanted to surf." Heero said. Suddenly ZERO dropped into the water and made a very large wave. Duo actually got up on his board and rode the wave into the beach. Wufei wasn't as lucky and he got sucked under. When he landed on the beach Duo walked over to him. "Cool!" He said to find Wufei alive, unconscious and possibly in critical condition, but alive. And yet again he was left with no one to help him. And it was all because of Wing ZERO. (But then again it always is! ^_~)

REVIEW!!! Any questions, comments, or ideas for another Wufei adventure * review * or email me at Christian.M.Hall@Worldnet.att.net


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